I spent most of this weekend trying to figure out what I was going to write about this week. The funny thing is it didn’t even cross my mind to write a “Father’s Day blog.” Not because I take my father for granted, but because I have begun to view his actions as the standard. After all, it is all I’ve ever known.
Do you know what my father asked for on Father’s Day? Nothing. Do you know what he’s asked for the 27 years I’ve known him and probably the 60 years he’s been on this planet, including the greater half of those he’s been a father – nothing. And yes, most times I get him nothing, as requested, but I owe him everything. I believe on some level living the life he raised me to live and in the fashion he raised me to live it is the only gift he ever really wanted.
I am not a father yet, so I don’t know his true motivations. However, I am a man; therefore, I have thought about fatherhood. And even in just thinking about it I have already panicked myself, on more than one occasion, about if I’ll be a good or hopefully great father to my kids to be. Will I be there for them every time they need me, to provide, to care for and love them to no end? Will I be able to instill in them the principles and strength they’ll need to be successful in this life? Will I be able to teach my sons how to be men and my daughters (LAWD, PLEASE NO!) how to distinguish the few good men from the many bad boys in men’s clothing?
If I can’t, it’ll be my own fault – because I was definitely blessed with the fatherly version of The Prototype. Let me not mislead you into believing my father is the epitome of perfection. He’s nowhere close. Nevertheless, often the few flaws I observed over the years only made me respect and love him more. In realizing he was human, I didn’t lose respect for him, I gained more. At times I became envious. Why, if he isn’t a superhero how does he accomplish so much!?! I would sometime wonder this through starry childish eyes. Even as a man, I still find myself sometimes reflecting in disbelief.
Though he can and has given the most eloquent of speeches, both in our home and on national TV, I don’t remember my father being a man of many words. Rather than talk about it, he was about it. He proved to me that actions speak louder than words and that a man’s word is his bond. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Then when you do it, don’t seek praise for it – you were only doing what you were supposed to do. Thus, his resume is littered with professional and personal accomplishments: Bachelors degree; Masters Degree; Director, twice; Chairmen of the Board, appointed; 25+ years at the same company – and as a side note, he retired and went back, twice. He’s like the Bret Favre of corporate. For him, retirement is the new “I don’t feel like being retired yet”; 28 years of marriage; and the list goes on and on. Without even trying, he set the bar tremendously high for the man I need to be, and should be, given the man he showed me I can be.
As I wrote about here, my father was diagnosed with cancer this year. If he was ever panicked, I never saw it. Instead he worried more about the family not worrying about him. My father stared down cancer the same way most people stare down a hissing kitten, and he brushed it aside with the same lazy resolve you might exert in moving that cat out of the way with your foot. Weeks later, a quarter of his lung now missing, he strode about more annoyed than weak because he couldn’t work or do chores around the house he did before with the same amount of energy. I asked him about it once and he looked me straight in the face and in the same tone you might use to describe what you had for lunch on Tuesday he told me: “Just seemed like another one of life’s test.”
If I remember correctly, he went back to working in the garden about 15 minutes later. I imagine I’ll still be reveling over that quote 15 years from now when I’m retelling it to his grandkids at bedtime in a dramatic themed tone: “and thennnn do you know what Superman said to your father….?”
I could (and will for my kids) go on for days if not years on how great a man my father is to me, but I will spare you so you can read this blog in a reasonable amount of time and return to admiring the various Supermen in your own lives. And for those readers that are current fathers and fathers to be, if you think your influence is limited to the effect you have on your son’s lives, then I HIGHLY recommend you read this blog too: What My Father Meant To His Daughter. Enjoy your day.
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You may be wondering, “If your father’s so great, then why didn’t you think to write about him until now?” Well, as I said in the beginning, all these things my father has done – and will continue to do – he has always done. He’s never been one to seek what he perceived as undue reward. He does it because he figures that’s what he’s supposed to do. In that fashion, he is truthfully more Clark Kent than Superman.
You see, you won’t catch him leaping tall buildings in a single bound – though he might have been Director on the top floor. You won’t catch him flying through the sky – though he might have been on a plane to an executives meeting. And sure, you won’t see him running faster than a speeding bullet – though he always seemed to arrive on time. No, my father, my personal vision of Superman doesn’t need to do all those flashy things to achieve accolades from everyone else for me to recognize that there always has and always will be an “S” on his chest.
And so on his day, this Father’s Day, you won’t catch me sending him balloons or having a fancy dinner. I won’t send him an ugly tie he doesn’t like but will accept with a smile and wear with bravado because his son gave it to him. But, I also won’t take him for granted for everything he’s done and continues to do. Instead, I offer him the unending love, respect and appreciation of his son. That’s all he’s ever asked for – without ever asking for it – and he earned it, without ever being anyone other than himself.
Love you dad,
Happy Father’s Day
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