Ladies, I don’t know if you know this but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Men don’t like you. True story!
Let me be more specific. Grown men, usually over the age of 25 or so, do not like you. This is a well known fact in the man-o-munity. Granted we can’t share this kind of privileged information because if we did you would refute our efforts to touch your humps, your humps, your lovely lady lumps. Nevertheless, that doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true. And if you’re upset right now, then maybe YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Though I shouldn’t have to I shall gladly explain why grown men don’t like women. As I touched on in Women Are Not Picky, when it comes to dating, [attractive] women have it made! All they have to do is sit around being attractive, which for the most part comes naturally, and men will flock to them like geese trying to escape a Canadian winter. And I don’t want to hear all that “we shave this and pluck that and make-up this” non-sense. That is a choice you make on your own, no one’s forcing you to shave or pluck or make-up anything. If all men had to do to get women to chase after them was shave and pluck, I assure you all men EVERYWHERE would be hair-LESS within the hour!
O, woe is man.
As a man, even if you are attractive, you still have to put in a sensible amount of effort into the dating process. This is fine in your younger, more vibrant years when you’re full of life and can handle getting rejected by 3 out of 5 future cosmetologists at the club, college, library, Wal-Mart or wherever it is you chose to pursue the object of your obsession. Though as man begins to age he finds it difficult to approach “the game” with the same vigor and enthusiasm he possessed in his youth. The daily pursuit of that which does not want to be pursued (or at least acts like it doesn’t) begins to drain him of his life force. Suddenly, what was formerly the game seems a lot more like work and less like a game.
As a result, eventually every man has the exact same epiphany. It usually occurs one night when he’s getting ready to go out for another try at the game when he asks himself the following question: WHY?!?
At this point it finally dawns on man that he has been chasing after women for the greater part of his otherwise pointless life. He then shakes his fist at the heavens and declares: It’s about time they chase me!
This futile wish, of course, is never actually fulfilled, which only serves to further aggravate our discontented man. However, with his newfound enlightenment he cannot willingly return to the foolish ways of his past when he readily subjected himself to the gamut of women’s ever changing dating criteria as he struggled to differentiate himself from the clusters of broke men trying to impress the banquet of just as broke women.
NEVER!
I can only assume that [attractive] women fail to realize how tiring chasing after them becomes for a man who has been doing so for the greater part of his life. First of all, we are knowingly pursuing something we know is going to put us through an emotional rollercoaster. Additionally, despite women’s claims to the contrary, it is surprisingly difficult to tell a [garden utensil] from a housewife when both are any further than an arms length away and not holding a conversation with us. Lastly, there are few things that unite all men but of those I would venture to say these next two are universal: time and money.
By that I mean most men do not care to waste their time or their money. However, in most cases, in order to get to know a woman you have to spend, what? Yes folks, time and money. Furthermore, if a man is a gentleman and pays for everything, dating can get expensive, QUICK. Even a movie will run you $20 easily, I’m just saying. Unfortunately, it is only after both time and money have been spent when a man can fully assess if they were properly invested or as he dreads, wasted.
Editor’s note: A woman suggested to me that a man could just date one woman at time, but I assured her that was preposterous.
Thus, after years and years of spending (and sometimes wasting) his time and money; getting headaches trying not to fall off the emotional rollercoaster; and chasing after you like a six legged cheetah in heat, is it any wonder that he just might get tired of dealing with the lot of you? NO!
Dating? Psssh, I’m too old for this shit.
This blog is the first in a three part series: Part II and Part III.
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