I feel what’s taking place here is you are analyzing me based on what you believe I’ve said – correctly or incorrectly – thus I can see how you reached your conclusions. Obviously since I know myself better than you (or anyone else) ever would I believe you are reaching an inaccurate conclusion. Specific to me that is, I can’t speak for others.

This discussion actually reminds of a quote I hear from time to time: “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” I can’t change what your perception is of me – not that I think it’s bad, it just is what it is – because I feel that’s not the way I’ve presented myself. Either way, I appreciate the discussion. Look forward to more here or in the future.

Thanks for the response. I’ve read the other posts in the series, albeit a while back, so I’m familiar with what you said on the subject.

As to your response, I’ll start with the easy one first. I’m glad you respect all women equally. But all women aren’t villified in the same manner. Too often, men of color stigmatize women of color in the same racist, white supremacist way that whites do. And they are uncritical about the negative attitudes that they have internalized about women of color and spit them out. I’ve had too many instances of white men (and women) defending the racist crap they say about black women by pulling the ‘my black [male] friend says the same thing’. Don’t be a part of the problem. Racism, with all it permutations, can’t be taken down (and thus, making it possible for who decides to sleep with/marry/date whom to be unremarkable) if men of color engage in racialized sexism because of their privilege.

As for your other disputes, my other interpretations of your post came through your statement that you don’t care about others’ opinions of your dating choices, but then give a list of perceptions as to why dating non-black women will give off a certain perceptions. That you are attracted to other races. That you don’t care about color and that race is a minimal part of your dating process. That you’ll grow more with someone of a different race. You want to use the fact that you are dating interracially as proof that you don’t consider race.

That’s faulty. Even extreme racists have dated, had sex with, married, and reproduced with people whose racial group they detested or held in low regard. Or, like a former schoolmate, claimed that he didn’t see race when he dated a slew of non-black women, but then expressed dismay when his mixed race children looked like black children with two black parents. Your dating choices don’t mean squat. Your motives are what matters, and only you (and maybe those close to you) can determine if they are as magnanimous as you think they are.

I know that was the point you were attempting to get at. Your set up was problematic. Saying “see, look, I’m progressive cuz I have a non-black partner” is a whole bucket of fail. So is “see, black ladies, I don’t hate you, but in order for me to show how egalitarian I am, I can’t be seen with you (or seen with you too much)”.

Concerning “Why, as framed in your post, does this sentiment hold for interracial/intercultural partners, but not intraracial/intracultural ones?” I was not implying that this sentiment ONLY applies to interracial couples; however, since this blog IS about interracial dating, within the strict confines of this specific topic, I was simply providing an example. Seeing as this was built upon the findings of the previous two blogs, I don’t think that’s an accurate interpretation. If that’s the way it was conveyed, that was not it’s intent.

I agree with your second paragraph. However, in your transition to the third, if the impression you got from this blog was that I find black American women as “monolith” and hold “no interest,” I’m once again afraid you mis-read or I mis-represented myself. Because that is not the case nor do I believe that has been conveyed here. What I meant to say – and I believe I did say – is that black women, in my eyes, are not so different from other races of women that they would hold a unique appeal all onto themselves. Instead, I am attracted to women of all races. Additionally, race is a minimal – essentially insignificant – factor in my attraction to said women.

As best as I can tell, I did not bash black women in this blog or any of my previous blogs. However, if anyone felt that way, including you, I apologize, but once again, I believe for anyone to reach such a foregone and incorrect conclusion they would have had to read this blog with their own preconceived notions because at no point did I intentionally or unintentionally bash anyone, black, white or other. Therefore, I would have felt no need to offer a “disclaimer” more than I offered the truth – or my interpretation of it.

Lastly, though I see where you’re coming from in your final paragraph, I would not distinguish or restrict myself to respecting black women alone. I attempt to respect all women of all races, equally, as women. And in quoting me “head-turning-conversation-stopping-beautiful” you left off the fact that I never defined this to only include or, for that matter, exclude black women. IN FACT, I went on to say in that very same sentence “whatever race she may be.” I will assume you ran out of room to copy and paste that key part of the sentence.

Our geographical terrain is just as sensitive, and women get hot wax poured/slathered on areas simply not designed for that kind of abuse. And yes, you could get waxed, but it would be a lot more painful(IMO) than if you, uh, pulled the area taught and took a Gillette razor to it.

Right now I have a special set of clippers that I use to tame the wilderness, if you know what I’m shizzin.